It's ALL About Me.....And Then Some

For some time now I have not quite had my head on right when it came to what I wanted to share with cyberspace.  Then it dawns on me.  When I run, my mind is (usually) so clear, my thoughts are (usually) fluid, and I realize......
TURN OFF THE DAMN MUSIC! 
I ran for two years without music and fell in LOVE with running.  I feel in love in with my Creator all over again.  I feel in love with ME.  I knew myself so intimately, that at times a 15 mile run could go on and I wouldn't even realize it was over.  Running meant that I had time to go deep into my mind, and peek around and bump into old memories and experiences.  I had the time to delve so deep into thought, I would go those places most are afraid to go, you know, the who's, what's, and why's of creation and existence.  Oh yes, I went that far...that far down the preverbal rabbit hole.  Where many never venture because the fear of the unknown paralyzes them.  I go there while running, well I did. 
I finally ran the other morning without the buds.  Without PODRunner.  Without BEP's. Without Adam Lambert (yes I listen to him....and no I do not care what his sexual orientation is....he can SING).  I ran without EMINEM (and YES I like him too....and no I do not care what he stands for or doesn't...his music pumps me up).  Instead I ran with an old friend.  I ran with ME.  The feeling of joy crept over me like I was intoxicated.  My first few strides were that of a newborn yearling.....ok, slight exaggeration, they were that of a runner that has been shown the LIGHT.  My mind was consumed by the life pumping in my ears, legs, heart, and veins.  My breath quickly became patterned and cadence like. The very best part.....my mind was free.  Free of pre-meditated thoughts from Fergie, Steve Boyett, Will-I-Am, and of course Adam.  My thoughts were like you opened fire in a racket ball room with a pellet gun that shoots out tiny little rubber bouncy balls.  They went CRAZY!
My mind became clear, my thoughts became mine, and the rebirth of my creative side took place.  
It became so clear that running is for ME. 
Its all about ME. 
MY pace.  
MY run.  
MY time.  
MY heart rate.  
MY splits.  
MY pr's.  
MINE, MINE, MINE, ME, ME, ME.  
Yup, sounding pretty narcissistic right about now huh?  Well, running is just that. When you are not doing it, you think about it.  When your not thinking about it, your talking about it.  When your not talking about it, your reading about it. 
And sure, we all have our reasons as to why we run.  Some run for thinner thighs.  Some run for charity.  Some run for those who cannot.  Some run for doughnuts.  Me, personally, you know why I run, I have said before that I LOVE food, and I run to eat (A LOT).  But I must admit, being a size 2/4 ain't to shabby either! 
In fact it is AH-MAZING!  
I know, that sounded really narcissistic of me....yeah, well I'm a runner.  It's all about numbers, and calories, charities, inches, and pant sizes ALL play a part.
You see, it's ALL about ME.
Your reading MY blog about MY running experiences, and I share them, because I am slightly (due to running), narcissistic.  Is that a downfall?  Well, you may say YES, and never want to read this again, or you may find that deep down inside you want to do something bigger, better, stronger, faster, (for YOU) more than you ever have, and reading my truth about how I feel makes you either A- Live vicariously through me or 2- You get the balls to do it yourself.
As EMINEM would say "You only get one shot, do not miss your chance and blow this opportunity comes once in a lifetime."  When I hear that, I think I have been given a shot to utilize this body to its maximum potential.....and why not?  Ask yourself that. 

WHY NOT? 

Why shouldn't I push myself to the edge, look over, and leap with confidence that I WILL land on two feet (running preferably)?

Quit with the lame excuses.  For every hour you work, you can find two that you fill with BS.  For every hour you fill your life with, you can CHOOSE what and how you fill it.  And I am not saying walk to the edge and leap into running, leap into life and LIVE. Live your life, don't survive it. That is NOT living. Do something that pumps life in your veins, and what ever IT is.....do it with GUSTO! 

Fat Bottom Girls, You Make the Running World Go Round!

No your not having "double vision" that is one of me....2 years ago....80 pounds heavier.

Running on New Years Day was something very new to me. I have usually spent the day sleeping in, feeling hungover, or eating myself sick at someones holiday party. Since I set into motion goals that I am determined to achieve, I had to stick to my plan, and that meant running on both Christmas and New Years Day. I completed my 7 mile long run at the YMCA, indoors on the track. It was freezing that day.....bitter, bite you in the bahookey freezing. I averaged a 10:20 mpm pace, which was a little fast, but I was excited to be at the gym on a day that I have spent in the past not doing anything that exerts energy. I continued with my plan and logged 23 miles the following week, with my long run resulting in a 10 miler with a pace of 10:49.


After I completed my long run I realized that even though I could have bailed on my commitment, stayed up late, ring in the new year, I didn't. You see, I decided a few months ago that I was no longer going to live in a reality that was composed of unrealistic negatives. What this means is, I was no longer going to let anything negative direct my goal making processes. I was no longer going to let ONE single negative thought be in the drivers seat. For most of you who know me, know that I always find something positive in EVERYTHING. I cannot help it, I am just made that way. So when I go for a run, it is going to be in some way, shape, or form the best run yet. I am not kidding you when I tell you I WILL always find the positive.


Which leads me to the most bizarre silver lining I have ever come across. The silver lining in being a Fat Bottom Girl. I know, your thinking "Really, there is a silver lining in being a FBG?" Yes! There is. There are many. I told you I could find the positive in anything didn't I? 


First there is the Inner Skinny B. I like to refer to this silver lining as the one that trumps all the others in being a FBG. Because, the Inner Skinny B resides in every woman, but rears her skinny head when she is incased a FBG 's body. This driving force is what initiates a FBG to seek wisdom and advice with every nibble, bite, and snitch of food that crosses her lips. The Inner Skinny B  starts the transformation of the FBG into figure she desires to be. Whether that figure is a size 2 or an 8, Inner Skinny B knows exactly what she wants FBG to look like.
Then there is the Inner Competitive B. This one may or may not ever reside in all woman, but definitely takes up residency once a woman crosses over into becoming a FBG. Let me explain. When Inner Skinny B shows herself, Inner Competitive B wants to be just like her. She wants to wear size 2's just like her. She wants to run fast just like her. She wants to be healthy just like her. She wants to grab clothes out of her closet, put them on (once) look in the mirror and say "yup, that looks good together", not tug and pull and try to find the one pair of pants that make her "look" skinny. Here is where I interject some hard ass truth to you. If you think you look fat, or you have to ask if you look fat, then you are. Don't ask. You are making the person you are asking feel really uncomfortable. Because chances are they are not going to tell you the truth, thus you are putting them in a situation of lying to you...unless of course you are asking me. Yes, I will tell you, straight up. If you are not emotionally stable enough to hear it, DON'T ASK. Another little tid-bit of truth, just because the size 14 jeans you buy say "Perfectly Slimming" does not mean that they make you appear slimmer. Yes, I purchased those, in that size at one time, and no, I did not look any slimmer.


Now, last but not least is the Inner Indulgent B. She lives in us all. FBG or not, we all indulge in one thing or another. The Inner Indulgent B though, needs to be trained by the other B's so that she learns to indulge in activities other than eating. The other B's teach and train Inner Indulgent B to appreciate what it feels like to fit comfortably in a size 4 jean. To bask in the sweat of the FBG knowing that the physical figure of the 3 B's desire, will soon become a reality. You see, Inner Indulgent B transforms and begins to quench that indulgence with blood, sweat, and tears. She wants to indulge in the brownie batter without the consequences, and she will, because the other B's will help make it happen. The three B's become the silver lining in being a FBG, and become the force that makes the FBG become all that she has ever wanted physically. 


I will tell you, Fat Bottom Girl's you make the running world go round. Without the FBG, you would not have the Inner Skinny B screaming, and clawing her way to get out. You would not have the Weight Watchers, The hCG Diet, Atkins, South Beach, and thousands of other ways to kick that FBG to the curb. You would not have the Inner Competitive B pushing for PR's and burning calories to look great in wedding photos, thus resulting in the many training plans for marathons. You would not have the Inner Indulgent B, wallowing in a runner's high relishing the moment, wearing her favorite workout gear along with her Asics and Under Armour t-shirt. The FBG then becomes the driving force for the B's. The FBG becomes the reality the B's never want to be a part of resulting in continuous forward motion, striving to be better.

I was, and always will be a fat bottom girl. I don't mean this like some pathetic girl fishing for compliments, I mean it like I hold high rank in the F.B.G.C. (Fat Bottom Girls Club), and I am proud of it. You think I am bluffing right? No, really. Unless you are a member, you will never understand where a FBG is really ever coming from. 

We truly make the running world go round. We fight for our Inner Skinny B to come to life. We pursue our Inner Indulgent B to enjoy food, drinks, and fun without guilt. We join ranks with our Inner Competitive B to accompany us in achieving our goals that keep us out of the shadow of the former FBG we once were, or never want to be.


*In case you didn't know....a B is a Bitch.....