Dreadmill Racing....Not Recomended

Tuesday nights run (the second one) made for a very tired Wednesday. I was so tired that I napped (which I never do, it usually makes me more tired), I then ended up falling asleep at about 8 o'clock. Which is very early. My workout for the Wednesday...nada. I honestly do not remember the last time I was so tired that I did nothing.
Yesterday was day one with NO cable. The effects....positive. I was able to get quite a few things done in the evening. But prior to that, I went to the Y for a run. After doing the extra 3 on Tuesday, I decided that I would walk 1 mile, then run 2. So, in rare form, I followed my plan. 
Even though I was wearing my ridiculous looking Fila knee length shorts. Ugh, why did I ever purchase such a silly looking pair of shorts? I honestly think that these shorts are going to kill me. Here is why. They have become loose on the legs, so I have to adjust them, WHILE RUNNING. This can be very tricky on the dread. As you attempt to bend in the slightest fashion while running at a 5.7-6.0 you can see yourself flying right off the back into the machines behind you. But, you would rather risk utter humiliation, and possibly a broken bone or two, than have your silly looking shorts creep, or sag. Another reason these shorts are going to be the death of me is because they look so re-donk-ulous, and I feel the need to run really fast as I wrapping up my run. Kind of like "Yeah, my shorts make you snicker as I walk by, but baby they are a blur on the dread." I feel like I can validate wearing the silly things because I am running faster than the girls who come and read their magazines on the elliptical. Thus, the running way faster than necessary (under 8 minute mile pace), is going to make my heart explode. Time to buy new shorts. Any that make you look faster than you are?
My 3 mile jaunt went as I expected. Although I am so sweaty, I am leaving droplets all over the place. You see, I am tracking my heart rate with every run. Ever since I was asked by my doctor (9 years ago, way before I started running) if I was a runner, because my resting HR was 60. I felt like, with my past (drugs, alcohol, smoking) and a ticker that worked so well, I shouldn't let it go to waste. I averaged 160bpm during my little sweat mess, which is just a smidgen lower than what I wanted, but still not quite crazy enough to emit such evaporation. The girl next to me on her power walk had to have been ignorant of it, or pleased about it; because she was not even breaking a huff-and-puff, let alone a sweat, and with every step I took, sweat was splashing off my arms, face, and legs like a shower. Heck, who knows maybe she did like it because it made it look like she was sweating. Ew, I know.
One last thought before I sign off. The other thing that just may end my running career in an instant plays out like like this (one of the MANY reasons I HATE running the dread).
Me: running on dread, 6.2, sweaty, almost done
Girl: 2 dreads over, running, harder than I, sweaty
Me: trying to see her pace, distance, and speed while running...I should slow down to take a peek. NO! Can't do that. I am RACING her! Even though I have no idea what she is doing, LR, tempo run, speed work, fun run, what ever. We are in a race. I speed up!
Girl: still running, hard, now slowing down
Me: I speed up, I will show her
Girl: stops. huffing. puffing.
Me: lean over rail to see girls stats. stumble. draw attention. raise HR from fear. See death headlines from dread on the news.
WHAT THE HECK IS WRONG WITH ME?
I finish shortly after her, and as I walk past her dread to get a towel to wipe the spray from the waterfall spray I emit, off my machine, I am seconds to late to see her stats. Dang it.
Next time girl, I will beat you. I will finish first, even though I have no idea when you start, how fast you are going, or how far. I WILL WIN, the dread race.